Miami Sugar Daddy

Becoming a Miami Sugar Daddy When I Grow Up

How distasteful can romance be these days? That’s why I want to be a sugar daddy in Miami when I grow up. In my elder age, I want front row to this moral decay roller coaster ride, even if I didn’t take my heart meds.

During the grind of my younger days, I’m tickled at the idea of conning gold diggers into thinking I have a large million dollar collection of gold coins in my apartment, just so she can witness me peeling the foil back to feed her chocolate.

But I admit Being a Miami Sugar Daddy…

In your fifties and sixties, it must be great to go to a rooftop pool party with a younger girlfriend. Look at all the youngsters in the eye as an acknowledgement that you are still a sex icon in comparison. Even if my salt and pepper chest looks like I’ve been rolling around shredded newspapers.

Winning arguments in these kinds of relationships should be easy. Whenever she starts acting up, you can pull up a copy of her resume and sarcastically start naming everything she’s accomplished. Or calling in your accountant to review and audit her allowance expenses. Then you both can start lying about the stock market DOW not performing last quarter. She wouldn’t know what the hell you were talking about.

When the grace is gone…

As an older guy, dating younger girls must be full of games. Some prefer dating older women because the only games they play is bingo. From crabcakes and Prada Bags to cookies and tea bags seems like a more peaceful transition to your mortality.

Eventually, I’ll get older and wiser and start asking more existential questions about my life. Like, how many times will I see this person eating food I bought them for the rest of my life? Am I going to hell for being a passive pedo? Will she push my wheelchair into club Elleven? Will she mix in a little Hennessy into my IV bag when the nurses aren’t looking? Will she even have time to visit my grave?

Can’t even get a proper grip on her ass because of the arthritis.

Manny Garavito is founder, writer and stand up comedian for Miami Comedy. Originally from Long Island, Manny moved to Miami at an early age to soak in the sun and culture. In addition, he is a freelance digital marketer.