Costco at 2pm on a Monday is the Real Miami Flex

Somebody saw me at Costco the other day. Monday afternoon. Going around with the fam. Picking up some food. And he hit me up like, “Saw you at Costco, dog.” And I said, you know me, bro. Monday afternoons. Free like that.

And it hit me. That’s the real flex in Miami. Not the Lambo. Not the Versace tower. Not the bottle service at LIV. The real flex is buying steaks at 2 PM on a Monday.

You and I both know what we paying for when we floss

You see somebody pull up in a brand new G-Wagon, you’re impressed for like three seconds. Then you do the math. They got a $1,500 a month car payment. They probably finance the down payment too. They’re working overtime to make that note. They can’t even take the day off because if they do, the car gets repossessed.

Meanwhile your boy is at Costco grabbing the 20 gram protein yogurt at 2 PM on a weekday because there’s nothing else I gotta do. That’s it. That is the luxury life. When you can do whatever you want, any time you want, that’s it. That’s the dream.

Sam’s or Costco? Both. Don’t ask why.

Now I’ll tell you why I went to both that day. Because Costco has the 20 gram protein yogurt. Sam’s has the 30 gram protein yogurt. So I had to go to Costco for the steaks, then bounce over to Sam’s for the high protein.

That’s the move. Don’t pick one. Hit both. The day is yours. You got the time. The pizzas at Costco weren’t working that day either, the machine was down, so you know what? Skipped it. Already had yogurt. Why I need extra calories?

This is the kind of stuff people that work 9 to 5 don’t get to think about. They’re in line for an hour at lunch break. I’m out here strolling. Comparing protein content. Touching the avocados. Living.

The flex is time, not money

Here’s what I want every Miami person to understand. You don’t need to spend money to flex. You need to spend time the way you want.

The guy renting a Bentley for the weekend, that’s a fake flex. The girl getting BBLs to post on the Gram, fake flex. Bottle service with sparklers, fake flex.

You know what’s a real flex? Showing up to Costco on a Tuesday morning. Hitting brunch on a Wednesday. Going to the beach on a Thursday because you felt like it. Being able to say I don’t gotta be anywhere right now, I just wanted to come pick up some yogurt.

If you can do that, you already won.

Miami got it confused

Most people in Miami think the flex is what you have. The clothes, the car, the address, the bottles. Nah. The flex is what you don’t have to do. You don’t have to ask permission. You don’t have to clock in. You don’t have to schedule it three weeks out.

Going out shopping on a Monday. That’s the real flex. That’s it.

So next time you see somebody at Costco at 2 PM on a Monday, look closely. That might be the richest person in the parking lot. They’re rich in time. And in Miami, that is the only rich that matters.

Talked about this on the podcast. Skip to the Costco real flex part here.

For live comedy in Miami, head to miamicomedy.com. Mondays and Fridays at Thank You Miami. Tuesdays and Saturdays at Blackbird Ordinary. Stop scrolling. Come laugh.

>