Pub Sub Brisket by Drone: Miami’s Future Just Got Weird

The Pub Sub brisket sandwich has been made. Where was this the whole time? I’ve never tried it. I didn’t even know Publix cooked brisket. Can you make a Pub Sub with anything at this point? All you gotta do is call it Pub Sub.

And now they’re delivering it by drone. We went from “Wait at the deli for 20 minutes for them to call your number” to “Sandwich falling out of the sky onto your balcony.” That’s where Miami is right now in 2026.

I saw drone delivery coming. I didn’t see Pub Sub brisket coming.

Look, I like brisket. I know brisket is delicious. But brisket needs to be made a certain way for it to be delicious. Either it’s juicy, savory, falls apart in your mouth, or it’s dry, leathery, and you wanna get your money back.

I don’t know how Publix prepares its brisket. I’ve never even seen brisket at the Publix cafeteria. You know that thing where you look behind the glass and the lady’s a mile away and she’s like ugh? Those ladies do not wanna serve you. Do you know how many Pub Subs they make a day?

And then you walk up with a smile on your face with your magenta sunglasses going “Hola, ¿cómo está?” Oh my God, bro. “¿Qué tú quiere?” The English comes out. “Un, un Pub Sub.” “Ugh. ¿Tostado?” They are tired of making those things, man.

The drone math is rough

Here’s the problem with drone delivery. Restaurants already give up 30% to delivery apps. That’s basically the entire margin. So now you’re handing over your profit to some app, and the app is gonna start sending it via drone? Where’s the savings?

I’ll tell you where there’s an opening. You go invent some drones. You learn to fly them. You start a local drone delivery service. You take 15%, maybe 20%, instead of 30%. Believe me, a 10 to 15% difference, that’s good profit on delivery. Local drone training school slash service. Vet your guys, train them, drop the food off, hit the customer with savings, hit the restaurants with savings. There you go. Free idea. Take it.

I’m tired of being the guy who has all the ideas and never gets paid. I live in the Garavito garage. Just talking shit until I say something brilliant by accident. And then somebody hears it, changes the name slightly, and goes on Shark Tank like they invented it. No you didn’t.

Birds gonna be heated

Here’s what nobody is talking about. Birds. Birds have had the airspace to themselves for thousands of years. No traffic. No tolls. They just fly wherever they want. And now we’re sending up these little plastic helicopters carrying brisket sandwiches.

You think they’re not gonna shit on more cars out of spite? Of course they are. Birds are gonna be looking down at us stuck on the Palmetto, eating our sandwich on the way home, and they’re gonna aim. They’re gonna start a war.

I could fly a drone past a pelican right now and that pelican is gonna lose its mind. We’re about to see bird gangs forming in Miami over airspace.

Miami can’t approve a permit in nine months but we’re getting drones

This is the part that breaks me. Miami can’t approve a building permit in under nine months. Try opening a restaurant in this city. The city will lose your paperwork three times. They’ll send you to a different department. They’ll take vacation in the middle of your application.

But a robot helicopter dropping a Pub Sub on your balcony? Approved. Greenlight. Let’s go.

That’s the priority list, apparently. Sandwich-flying robots before we fix the lights at any intersection.

Final take

Will I order a brisket Pub Sub by drone? Honestly yeah. If I see one flying past my balcony with a sandwich strapped to it, I’m clicking the button just to see what happens.

But I’m telling you right now, the first drone I see drop a Pub Sub onto a Brickell balcony, that pigeon population is gonna riot.

Whole rant on the podcast. Skip to the brisket Pub Sub drone breakdown.

Catch live Miami comedy at miamicomedy.com. Mondays and Fridays. Tuesdays and Saturdays. No Pub Subs at the show, but the jokes are tostado.