The future of Miami resembles a tropical martini. It’s a bunch of ingredients, filter out the ice, pour and garnish. The end result is a beautifully made concoction. Usually the most expensive drink item, and with top shelf spirits. Consume it, and in the end we’re all drunk with the thrill of its presentation. Unaware of the melting ice flooding the bar.
With a surplus of Cuban bread, there may be plenty in the pantry to build a miniature raft and float to the nearest (dry) bar. Locals may even consider staying and building a new age Atlantis. Here’s what to expect…
Dolphin Drug Dealers
Dolphins being some of the smartest in the animal kingdom will now co-exist with humans and begin to learn about supply and demand. Becoming savvy in human commerce, they would start gaining a profit by introducing us to pufferfish contraband, where just chewing a little bit of the poison will get you a great underwater buzz.
Fashionable Scuba Gear
Instagram profile accounts will be flooded in the latest designs of scuba gear fashion and sultry underwater models. Fashion styles will come and go as we adapt to our new environment. Starting with monotonous mermaid theme photography.
Shark Gentrification
We here in Miami know a thing or two about kicking out unwanted guests, even if we are the guests doing the kicking. We can’t be around these sharks if we’re going to set up shop. Sharks will lay out on the outskirts of our city with rags and mysteriously have access to Flakka.
Ancient Mural Paintings
Unless a new painting medium arrives; spray cans and fresh paint will wash away with the currents. Mural paintings will be ancient ruins for future generations to discover about a golden moment in Miami history, although it will be very difficult to yell out “dope!” with a scuba mask on.
Diluted Cuban Coffee
The downfall of one of our biggest cultural amenity. All fresh coffee will now be diluted immediately from the brewer to the cup.
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