Category: Podcast

Fog machines don’t scare Miami. A real Miami haunted house needs abuela with a chancleta, the IRS asking where your money came from, and soundproof walls so the reggaeton can’t save you.

Miami tattoos tell the whole story. Palm trees, a flamingo with a gold chain, Pitbull, Scarface, and 305 Till I Die, as long as you don’t evacuate.

Getting an oil change in Miami is Texas Hold’em. Lead with what you need, keep eye contact, and never let them bluff you on the timing belt.

The malls in Miami are beefing and they don’t even know it. Dolphin Mall is still the king, Mall of the Americas is on life support, and Costco is the only one visiting.

If scary movies were filmed in Florida, Scream would end in five minutes and Jason would get eaten by a gator. Florida ruins every horror movie.

Give me a free house in Hialeah and I’m opening the most Hialeah Airbnb ever. Chickens included, Cuban coffee on the stove, and a Celia Cruz room.

Finding money on the ground in Miami is a message from God, as long as it’s within six feet and nobody says it’s theirs. Here are my rules for the twenty on the floor.

Leonardo Miami Beach invited me to dinner, so I read their whole website out loud first. Handmade pasta, live jazz, and fine dining on Collins until 3 AM on weekends.

If Miami had a zombie apocalypse we’d probably win. Cafecito zombies, a 24 hour club full of survivors, and abuela’s hurricane closet. Here’s why the 305 is ready.

Heels in one hand, phone in the other, barefoot on the club floor. Here’s what a pata sucia really means in Miami, and why you never fight somebody with no shoes on.