Miami Trivia: Weird Fun Facts About the 305 Every Local Should Know

So I was on the live stream the other day and I had this idea while I was taking a shower. How great would it be to ask AI to give us a little Miami trivia? So I went and did it. And some of the answers cracked me up. Let me share what I found out about this beautiful, ridiculous city.

Miami Was Founded by a Woman

Question one. What is the only US city in the entire nation founded by a woman? It’s Miami. Her name was Julia Tuttle. You see, I know my history.

But it’s kind of ironic, right? Julia Tuttle discovered Miami, the first woman in America to discover a city, and it became the OnlyFans capital of the world. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up, man. What do they say? Fact is stranger than fiction. There it is right there. Question number one proves it.

I’m not mad at it. I’m glad we got OnlyFans models out here in the city of Miami. You know how awesome it would be to share a living space with an OnlyFans model? Well, it might suck if you’re a roommate and you’re hearing them filming in the other room. You gotta see that guy or girl walk out and you’re like, “alright. Yeah. Hope you had fun. I’m just out here watching movies. Okay. See you next week. Oh, you’re filming again tomorrow. Oh, okay.”

Miami Officially Became a City in 1896

I guessed 1896 right on the live stream. You know why? Cause I went to the Coral Gables Museum once. Small museum, but it’s wonderful. Got a nice little touch of history. And in the back room they got paintings by random people, but whoever’s curating back there knows what they’re doing. I was actually impressed. This was during the time NFTs were popping and I was taking photos of that stuff to get ideas for what an NFT would look like. Then a month or two later NFTs were a dud, and I was like, well, at least I got nice photos on my phone.

Cafecito Time Is Whenever You Want It to Be

Technically, the right answer is 3 PM. But the real answer is anytime. Miami runs on cafecito like it’s a subscription service.

You have coffee in the morning. You have coffee at 3 PM. I’ve even met people that gotta take a shot of coffee before going to bed. Why do they need that energy? Are they hooking up in their dreams? Do they need that extra oomph?

Turns out the answer is actually scientific. If you’ve got ADHD, which is something Miami is widespread undiagnosed with, stimulants can actually feel calming. So that’s why some people need cafecito before bedtime. Imagine your brain going 100 miles an hour and you need coffee just to bring it down to 50. Caffeine doesn’t override system shutdown. Throwing a Red Bull at someone who hasn’t slept in two days and expecting a TED talk? They’re going to sleep aggressively.

The Unofficial Speed Limit in Miami

The unofficial speed limit in Miami? Depends on how late you are. I see you, AI. You went there.

I know it says 45 somewhere, and then no one follows that. I think if you go past 70 is when you get pulled over. The funny thing is the cops in Miami got the city on lock. There’s hardly any major crimes. Or at least nothing in the open. Maybe it’s because they don’t share it with the public. Maybe there’s a lot of detectives doing undercover work, doing one arrest at a time, and they gotta keep their mouth shut to get the next arrest. I’m assuming that’s it.

The Most Miami Animal Encounter

What animal are you most likely to see randomly walking through a Miami neighborhood? A deer, a peacock, an alligator, or an iguana? Anything but the deer. Iguanas fall out of trees in Miami like bad financial decisions. They drop down. Frozen. Dead from the cold one minute, alive again three hours later when the sun comes back. Welcome to Miami.

Local Miami Trivia (For the Ones Who Actually Live Here)

“Bro, it’s right there”

What does it mean when someone in Miami says “bro, it’s right there”? Yeah. 15, 20 minutes with traffic. You’re gonna need patience and emotional resilience. My AI programming is dope.

“I’m five minutes away”

The most Miami way to say “I’m five minutes away”? “I’m around the corner. I literally just left the house.” Correct.

When Someone Says “I Got a Guy”

When someone in Miami says “I got a guy,” what does that usually mean? He doesn’t have papers, but he can do a good job. That’s what it means.

Brickell After 10 Minutes of Rain

What happens when it rains for 10 minutes in Miami? Brickell becomes part of the ocean. Done. Skip this one.

The Palmetto Slowdown Mystery

What’s the real reason people slow down on the Palmetto? Police presence? Sure. But this one’s true too: everyone just collectively forgot how to drive.

You ever seen this happen? You’re driving and it’s smooth, right? Everything’s going smooth. And you’re like, “I know something is happening down the street that’s just gonna completely block my way.” And lo and behold, everything comes to an absolute halt. And then when you get off the other side of that, there’s nothing. No construction, no accidents. Just people spreading out. And you’re thinking, “why the hell did everyone slow down at the same time?”

This one is a phenomenon. This one is a mystery. Why does everyone slow down when there is no traffic? Or rather, no accident or no construction? It’s like collectively done. Someone please solve this for me.

Miami Weather Forecasting

What’s the most accurate description of a Miami weather forecast? I think they should just throw dice at this point. Sunny, cloudy, humid, rain, maybe hail. Just announce two or three of those and I promise you’ll get 50% or more correct just by doing that. Even when they do the news weather, “oh, percentage of rain”, just throw dice or like a dart board or something.

Local instinct. You see dark clouds, sun is still out, humidity at 100%. What do you do? Accept that you’re about to get absolutely soaked no matter what. Whether it’s the humidity, the sweat, the rain, maybe even the flood. Or maybe there’s a puddle from earlier that morning and a car drives by aggressively and splashes it all over you. But you will most likely get wet no matter what the temperature is in our city.

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That’s the trivia, ladies and gentlemen. If you want more Miami nonsense in person, come out to one of our live comedy shows. Blackbird Ordinary on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Thank You Miami on Mondays and Fridays.