Category: Podcast

In Miami I don’t rate my Uber driver on the driving. I rate the playlist, and if you hand me the aux cord, that’s trust.

Skip Party City. The best Miami Halloween costumes are the afilador, the pata sucia, abuela with the chancleta, and the valet guy who lost your keys.

I love Indian food in Miami. Go to Bombay Darbar in the Grove, order medium not hot, and when nobody’s looking, turn your naan into a curry pizza.

My barber went out of town for two weeks, so I had to sit in the chair of the guy I’d been walking past for years. Every Miami barbershop has a code, and he made sure I felt it.

Miami Spice is the city’s thank you for staying through the summer heat. Ask for the special menu even when they pretend it doesn’t exist, and leave the vegans at the Food Hall.

Fog machines don’t scare Miami. A real Miami haunted house needs abuela with a chancleta, the IRS asking where your money came from, and soundproof walls so the reggaeton can’t save you.

Miami tattoos tell the whole story. Palm trees, a flamingo with a gold chain, Pitbull, Scarface, and 305 Till I Die, as long as you don’t evacuate.

Getting an oil change in Miami is Texas Hold’em. Lead with what you need, keep eye contact, and never let them bluff you on the timing belt.

The malls in Miami are beefing and they don’t even know it. Dolphin Mall is still the king, Mall of the Americas is on life support, and Costco is the only one visiting.

If scary movies were filmed in Florida, Scream would end in five minutes and Jason would get eaten by a gator. Florida ruins every horror movie.